Who do you see?
When we’re in the store and I’m pushing my child in a
wheelchair and pulling a grocery cart behind me, who do you see?
-Do you see a child with a
disability and think quietly to yourself, “I wonder what’s wrong with her.”
-Do you see a child, in a
wheelchair, who doesn’t walk or talk and think quietly to yourself, “Why does
she have her in the store? Wouldn’t she be able to get more done if she left her
with someone?”
-Do you see a tired Mom who just
wants to her child to be as normal as possible so she pushes through and does
what she has to, to include her in anything she can tolerate?
Chances are you’ve thought the first or second one before you
thought the third one. Chances are you saw the wheelchair. Chances are you saw
the disability. Chances are you saw the bib and slobber.
Chances are you did NOT see the child. You did NOT see the
sweet spirt. You did NOT see the excitement when she realized she was going to
get to go somewhere besides a Doctor’s appointment or the E.R.
Chances are you did NOT see
the 12-year-old who knows what she wants but can’t express herself.
Chances you did NOT
see the sweet, tender heart of a child who absolutely adores other people and
loves to be noticed and talked to.
Who do you see?
When we’re in a restaurant and my
child is in a wheelchair and chewing on her fingers and slobbering all over her
bib? When my
12-year-old child is being fed by her parents? When my
child is too tired to eat by mouth so we pull out the needed supplies, from her
baby diaper bag, to tube feed her?
-Do you see a child with a
disability and think quietly to yourself, “I wonder what’s wrong with her.”
-Do you see a child, in a
wheelchair, who doesn’t eat on her own and think quietly to yourself, “Why did
they bring her to a restaurant if she can’t eat “normal”? I don’t want to watch
her tube feed that girl.” (I’ve actually had people get up and move to another
table after seeing us tube feed)
-Do you see a Mommy and Daddy who
just their child to be as normal as possible and want to include her in their
life and today she was actually having a good day and could tolerate the day
out so they took advantage of it? A Mommy and Daddy who finally gave in to a
feeding tube, even though she loves to eat by mouth, because some days she’s
just too exhausted to eat and can’t maintain enough calories to survive without
the feeding tube.
No, you didn’t see all the good qualities of my child. You
didn’t see because you allowed the wheelchair, disability, the bib, the drool,
the “baby” diaper bag, and the feeding tube to distract your view. She couldn’t
walk and talk and say something cute and couldn’t pick out her favorite food or
outfit or toy. She couldn’t say “hi” to you so you just walked on by and
stared. And you in doing so, you’re teaching your children to do the same.
If you knew my child, whose name is Elisabeth, you would know
she would have loved for you to speak to her. She would have loved for you to notice
her. To see her. To SEE her. To see HER. To not just walk in a room and ignore
her.
We love people. We love company. And I can tell you there’s
people we have known for years, even some family members, who will walk into my
house and walk right past Elisabeth and not even look at her, let alone speak
to her. Can I tell you how that makes me feel? How would you feel if your child
was ignored? How would you feel if your child came home from school and told
you that someone was being mean to them? Or someone ignored them when they
tried to be their friend? Why should my child be any different? She speaks with
her eyes and listens by seeing your reaction. She smiles big ever time she’s
around other children. She loves them! And I can tell you there’s children who
will do the same to her as some adults do; they walk right past her and do not
speak. They don’t mind coming to birthday parties and having fun and taking
home goodie bags but do not speak a word to Elisabeth. That is a hurt that cuts
right to a Mama’s heart.
And then I can tell you about the people in our lives who are so very compassionate with Elisabeth. The people who speak to her without fail, every. singel. time. they see her. The people who teach their children to speak to her and to have that same compassion for her. The people who will look at her and ask questions instead of staring wondering what's "wrong" with her. The people who understand this Mama and Daddy's heart when they need to vent. The people who are there for us through every sickness, dr. appt., and hospital stay. The people who understand our chaotic life and understand that sometimes we just can't make it to the party or event they invited us to because maybe it's at a beach that doesn't have shade and heat is a seizure trigger. The people who understand she's immune compromised and won't come around her when they're sick. If you only knew how much special needs parents need "those people" in their life and on their side. If only ...
I encourage you to look for the positive. Don’t be so quick to
see a disability. Look for the smile. Look for the love deep down. Learn about
special needs. Have compassion for everyone but especially special needs. Teach
your children to be compassionate for special needs.
My child matters, too.
#teamelisabeth #specialneeds #speciallife #lovematters
